Spirit of EQ – Focus On Your EQ



Jeff East
There’s a group of us that meet every Sunday night. It’s kind of a combination of a home church and a book club. In the discussion, we just take a section of the book and we discuss and we started talking about reframing and looking at things differently. And I started thinking about that back when I was in high school, many, many years ago, I ended up I guess it was a combination of a photo photography club and the, the picture or the photographers for the new, you know, yearbook and all that. So, got really interested in that. And this was well before there were any automatic cameras. It was all film. So you had to do everything manually.

Eric Pennington
I mean, I need to stop you just okay. Because everyone out there. Jeff started this when he was five. Just want to make sure that’s out there.

Jeff East
Okay, we’ll go with that. But anyway, if you’ve ever used this totally manual film camera, you have to look at a lot of different things. And I started thinking about that with what we were talking about, then I started thinking, you know, this really ties into emotional intelligence and making sure that we’re staying on task with what we really want to do with our EQ. And I just started thinking of the different aspects of it about the different steps you had to go through to be able to take a decent, totally manual

Eric Pennington
picture and what you really needed to understand with what you were doing well, there’s a certain beauty in that to Jeff, right, because, you know, today we take a photo and it’s like in a second, there it is. And with the exception of maybe some editing tools that we may have on our phone or something, yeah, but this kind of resonates too because I think the idea of having to spend time on our EQ. Is that kind of one of the directions we’re

Jeff East
heading out you exactly. You had to think it through Kinda sort of set your camera up for kind of a general thing, but you would not get the best results. And most of the time, it didn’t work that well that way anyway. So you actually had to actually take the time to think about what you were doing. And you actually had to really think about it because you did not get instant results.

Eric Pennington
Yeah. And I gotta tell you, I’m probably the worst photographer, even with an iPhone. And I keep telling myself I need to learn how to get better at taking photos with with the iPhone, right? So I’m about ready to go in a direction that I really don’t know a lot about. I know the terms. But you being a photographer, it’ll probably make total sense to you. I’m going to kind of get a sense from you about this idea of, of the aperture and an F stop.

Jeff East
The aperture f stop is on a camera. It’s what regulates how much light is coming into the film or in a digital cameras into that the sensors that actually record the image in most cameras. It’s actually a mechanical thing. That opens and closes, it can limit your how much light is coming in how much information you’re getting. Or you can have an open all the way and you’re getting a lot of light or a lot of information. And I think sometimes when we’re dealing with the emotional intelligence, we tend to limit how much that we’re taking in, whether it’s our own emotions that we’re feeling, or the emotions of the people around this. And then on the other side of that, there’s sometimes we become overwhelmed because we’re too open and not really thinking about it. And I think sometimes that’s where we get the result, you know, reaction instead of a response, instead of what we really want as a result.

Eric Pennington
Okay. That’s really, that’s interesting, because I know that everyone has and I would dare say that the vast majority of times just because of some wounding that we potentially would not want. That all to be unsurfaced. Right? Because, quite frankly, maybe we don’t know what to do with it. Right, right. Is there? Is there some mechanism that you would say? Is there something that a person can kind of look at and go? How do I, how do I open it up to see the things that maybe I wouldn’t necessarily want to see?

Jeff East
That’s tough. Eric, I wasn’t. Thank you and ask that kind of a question. So I think we need to just be aware, I can’t think of anything better than that and just just pay attention. You know, one of the competencies that we talked about in one of the earlier podcast is emotional literacy. Yeah. Which is, you know, what am I actually feeling? Or what is that person that I’m I’m talking with or interacting with, what might they feel and then use that as the maybe the filter of the thing to adjust that aperture? Yeah. You know, if you’re feeling fearful, you know that that emotion of fear is telling You You need to pay attention. So you might need to look around a little bit more cynical.

Eric Pennington
I’m sorry, I was just gonna say since I threw you a slider, you weren’t expecting it, I’m going to go ahead and I’m gonna throw myself one and maybe it’ll it’ll allow you to,

Jeff East
to help I leased out at all. Yeah,

Eric Pennington
you got connection. So and I would say for our audience as well, we’re not here from a clinical basis to diagnose or to treat. We’re talking about those areas where you’re on solid ground in life, maybe you’re, you’re functioning well, and are able to kind of explore in ways that are healthy. And if you find yourself you’re not in that place, that’s a whole different manner. And and we would highly recommend you reaching out to for professional help. So Jeff, when you talked about, you know, the things or I mentioned about things maybe we would prefer not to see and you talked about pay attention to what you’re feeling and the emotional enhancing emotional literacy. When I was a kid was probably about 11. I was in an auto accident with my dad, and he was drunk. And it was obviously very traumatic, because, you know, hitting a guardrail and all that happened that led up to it and what happened after so there was many years after that, where, you know, Well number one I wouldn’t get in a car with someone had been drinking but just the apprehension sometimes I would even feel it at times being in the same area if whenever I pass that area where the accident happened over time, you know, with some help, you know, and and, and that kind of thing, I got to a place where it wasn’t as traumatic or it wasn’t something that I look back on with such a negative energy, or a fearful energy. Maybe it’s a better way of saying it. But your point about what am I feeling was really key, right? Because all of a sudden, it wasn’t like, Oh, no, here we are in this area. It was like okay, I know where this comes from. Maybe this is the recognizing patterns. Exactly. Right, exactly. I know where this is coming from. And I know what it is that I’m, I’m feeling I know what emotion is going through me. Let me maybe apply some consequential thinking, right, and those kind of things. Because we’ve talked before about the importance of this sort of all these competencies working in concert together Exactly. To move us forward in a positive way. Right. So with that, was that a good description? I gave you the event and talked about the pathway.

Jeff East
Yeah, I think that’s that’s very good way to look at it. If you’re, you’ve got a lot of information coming in. And you know, that that information can trigger this. That’s the recognizing patterns. And if you recognize the patterns, and you can respond the way you want. Mm hmm.

Eric Pennington
This idea about exposure time, you know, and again, I mentioned something that you know, it happened Many many years ago, and I’m in a place where I’ve healed from those wounds there obviously some that we haven’t healed from, do you think this process can apply and and kind of take us back into that? The photo approach? Okay, this aperture f one that I say it right f1 I’m, I’m thinking of what he call racing, the F stop f stop and exposure can you kind of talk a little bit about it from that perspective?

Jeff East
Yeah, with with the exposure the exposure is basically how long is the lens open to allow the light in?

Eric Pennington
So okay, in that situation, could that be that? I mean, because I know and again, I’ll go back to my personal experience earlier on it was like autumn with this I gotta go. It was like I gotta go. So my exposure time was was very limited, right? impacting the quality of the photograph that would be taken

Jeff East
right now. It can be that that exposure time needs to be could be enough your exposed to that, you know, in the case of a piece of film, that piece of film gets quite it needs to produce a picture. Yep. That exposure, emotional exposure could be what your brain needs the information so it might be just a spill,

Eric Pennington
right? Because you don’t know if you’ve got a good photo until you’ve actually seen the final right. And you might look at that photo and go, you know what, I think I need a little less or a little more or something like that, right? That kind of where you’re going.

Jeff East
Yeah, in the in the age of digital, it’s it’s much easier you just look at the back of your camera or your screen or your phone. Right. Right. But you know, back when it was film, you had to

Eric Pennington
finish a little Yeah, and then develop and all that right.

Jeff East
And that’s that’s that’s a whole other aspect I can get into. But yeah, the exposure is, you know, if there is something that we really, really need to be seeing feeling emotionally, but it’s uncomfortable, we may shut that lens down or shut that hypothetical lens in your brain and not really see what we need to see. So we can shut it down. And you might only get that triggering image instead of the whole image, you know, what is it that is really, really going on? It appears that it’s something that might harm me or something that’s going to dredge up bad memories, right? But it could be not really what it is. So you need to take the time to allow that information to get into your brain. Gotcha. Because we’re real good at shutting things off that we don’t want to be involved with.

Eric Pennington
Yeah, that’s very, very true. So what role or shifting a little bit what impact does the idea of focus have? And in this regard,

Jeff East
okay, when you’re doing manual focus on camera, yeah, you actually have to turn the lens or whatever it you know, depends on what kind of a camera it is to get that to get the subject that you want to picture of. Clear so you can actually see it real Well, and if you don’t, it’s going to be blurry. It’s not going to give you a good image of what it is you want to see. You might even be focusing on a wrong thing. Yeah, it might be something in the background or the foreground, that’s a different distance from you, that is actually going to be in focus. And I think when we’re dealing with the emotions, we need to really try to focus on that emotion. Go back to that emotional literacy again, yeah. And really, really, really listen to what it’s telling us that, okay, I’m fearful. What is really causing it? Let me really look into that, is it something I really really need to be paying attention to now because it is something that can cause me harm of whatever way it you know, could be physical harm, it could be emotional harm, whatever, or am I seeing it just a little bit, and not really paying attention to it, it could be not what that is,

Eric Pennington
you know, it’s just it makes me realize and we just talked about this in some of our work with, with our clients, you know, this idea that you have to be willing to put in the work. And I’m, I’m starting to really think as, as you’re describing this is that I think we also need to put in there that you’re worth the work

Jeff East
Oh, very much, very much. If you’re taking a picture, you’re doing it because you want

Unknown Speaker
to have

Jeff East
that image, you want to have that resolved. Because it’s something that’s important to you and your emotional intelligence is the same way if you really want your emotional intelligence to be in a place where it’s actually helping you. Yep. And letting you make the good decisions, letting you you know, interact with people though, right? Being healthy being healthy that way. Yeah. It’s going to help you. Yeah. And it’s, it’s, it’s a worthwhile thing to hang on to that image that you take a picture of.

Eric Pennington
Yeah. Because, you know, I think about it the times, you know, Jeff, and I know even in my own life, you know, we hear this idea, I gotta practice kind of work. I gotta, you know, you get what you put into it on and on and on, but I do believe Just to my gut, there’s probably a number of people out there who may be suffer with feeling like they’re worth that. And I, audience, whoever you may be, whoever you may be wherever you’re listening, you are worth it. I think by the sheer fact that you have breath going through your lungs indicates as a human being, you’re worth the work. This is not about Jeff, correct me if I’m wrong. This is not a contest, right? No, no, nobody’s grading you on whether or not you you put enough focus on

Jeff East
Yeah, right. Yeah, this this picture, this emotional intelligence picture is for you. And it’s the result that you want is what’s important.

Unknown Speaker
Because in the end,

Eric Pennington
you know, we talked about the idea of this the definition of emotional intelligence being the blending of thought and emotion to make optimal decisions. Exactly.

Unknown Speaker
And in the end, right.

Eric Pennington
making good decisions is what we all want. Right? You know, I don’t think there’s anyone wakes up in the morning and says, boy, this is a good day to make some really bad decisions, right?

Jeff East
I’ve had days where I probably, if I look at it would think, well, maybe that’s what I really intended to do today, but that’s not right.

Eric Pennington
Right, right. So there’s this idea about reframing and perspective. You want to open that up a little bit.

Jeff East
Yeah. When you’re when you’re taking up, you know, picture. The first thing thing when you see that image might not be the right angle, or the right distance, or whatever from that picture to get it. So you need to, you know, move around a little bit. Maybe, maybe if I’m taking a picture of a statue. Yeah, in a park. Yep. And I’m looking at to make that a really cool picture, is to maybe walk around the other side, and maybe maybe from that angle, that’s going to be better in the backgrounds going to be better or maybe I want to kind of kneel in front of it. So it’s kind of looking above So you reframe or you look at the perspective of it, to get it the way you want it to be. So you have to move around to do that you just can’t do that standing still.

Eric Pennington
So Jeff, have you ever been to an arboretum? The those places where you know, they’re typically you can find Japanese garden. Oh, yes. All that kind of time. I remember this is back. It’s maybe a year ago, because they did just came to me as you were mentioning about changing the angles refocusing. I took a photograph of this beautiful scenery of flowers, and it was kind of a close up. And I thought, Man, these colors are so vibrant. I just took the shot. And then later on, I’m looking at it. And there was a monarch butterfly, in the midst of all those flowers, and I didn’t even it didn’t even register to me until seeing that photo. Right. And I think about how many things can we or do we missing our focus? That may be our Maybe closer than we think.

Jeff East
Yeah, I think we do that you. And that’s where perspective of reframing, if you would have seen that butterfly, even though that was probably a very, very beautiful picture, if you would have noticed it, you might have moved a little bit or changed, you know what you were doing right to make it even a cooler picture. And it’s the same way with when we’re dealing with our emotions, there’s times that you need to look at it from a different aspect, reframe it. Just think it through differently, what, what is really going on here, but I’m looking at it this way. I don’t really like it. I’m not paying attention to everything. But if I kind of maybe look at it from a little bit further to the right or to the left or whatever. You go, Okay, this isn’t really what I thought. This is not. I’m not, you know, it’s not going to be what I thought it was. It’s going to be something completely different.

Eric Pennington
Yeah. And I think about this, Jeff and I go back to that idea about the work and the practice part. The things that we have to do to get better at this, because we know that emotional intelligence is a learnable skill, right? And in my head as I’m listening to talk, I’m struck by, I’m struck by our society and its lack of desire to work on themselves. Mm hmm. We’ve talked about this, you know, if if there’s a tailgate party and somebody needs to bring a generator, everybody’s raising their hand, and if somebody needs to bring some certain food or, or a different type of vehicle, everybody’s like, all in, right? And then when we say, hey, what how much time have you spent on you? It’s that eerie, embarrassing silence. And I just want to reiterate it, I don’t want to beat it to the to the ground, but you’re worth spending some time and maybe you’re not going to spend an hour in a pristine room and silence. But maybe you’ll carve out 10 minutes in the morning each day, to kind of Evaluate what’s your focus? What? How are the photographs looking? What are you saying? Take a walk with your dog. Yeah, make it purposeful. You know? And I know the great irony is Jeff, right, is that if we don’t work on ourselves, that does lead to a bad outcome. I mean, it does, right?

Jeff East
We we work on ourselves. And I don’t want to make it sound this wrong way. But the superficial things, like it’s all about losing weight, I need to lose weight, and I’m losing weight because I need to for my health, that’s going to make me feel better. But if I’m losing weight only because I think people are going to think less of me. Yeah, you know, I want to present that image. And it’s the same thing with a lot of things that we we do superficially, whether it’s the kind of car we drive or whatever. Those are the things that we work on, that really don’t have any effect in the deep down what’s in your heart and soul.

Eric Pennington
So how do these things Kind of all come together and work toward creating this clearer picture or clearer picture.

Jeff East
All right, the best way to describe it in photography terms is using depth of field. depth, the field is an interesting thing. It’s where you have a certain part of the picture in focus, where the background or the foreground might not be in what you want. You all seen pictures in art galleries or whatever, where maybe there’s a flower that they’re taking a picture of, and it’s in sharp focus. And in the background, you can see the background but it’s not in focus so that you look at that flower. The idea of using depth of field is to draw attention to what you want other people to see in the picture. And you use depth. The way you use depth the field is is you combined pretty much all those things that we just talked about. To get good depth of field. You do have to have the aperture the camera open, so you’re seeing a lot there’s a lot of light coming in. So that means You have to use a fairly fast exposure, right? Because there’s a lot of light coming in. And then the aperture needs to be kind of open to. And then then you use the focus to get what it is. So when we’re dealing with, you know, this these things, we need to use all these things we just talked about emotionally so that you can focus on what is the important thing that needs to be worked on experienced at the time.

Eric Pennington
So practically speaking, I’m going to give just a few examples and maybe you can tell me if they apply. It’s that issue of your spouse calls you at 1030 in the morning saying, we really need to talk about our fill in the blank, Dan, and that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a doom and gloom phone call. It could be a vacation, it could be you know whether or not you know who’s going to do what for Christmas or whatever. It is, you know, that kind of thing. It could also be that conversation with a with a co worker, that maybe it’s a difficult conversation, right, that has been put off. But now it’s time and and you know it in those senses, that’s when the person could potentially apply.

Jeff East
Right what we’re talking about here, right? You can do all those things so that if I’m if I’m having a discussion, there’s a really important discussion like with you, Eric. Yeah. I want to make sure that I’ve adjusted myself. Mm hmm. To be able to focus just on you and all this other stuff is kind of blurry and fuzzy around the edges. But I see you.

Unknown Speaker
Yep. crystal clear.

Eric Pennington
Yeah. Yeah. That’s great. That’s great.

Jeff East
Yeah. And it’s the same with the situation. If I’m confronted with the situation, I want to be able to focus on that situation. So I need to adjust myself so that all these other things aren’t art, or making it impossible just to see that and know that. See. extremely hard to do. But I think that’s one of the ways that we can really use our emotional intelligence to make those good decisions.

Eric Pennington
Well, I think you just hit on something there, right? If If I’m just firing away taking photos, just, I got to get it done. I gotta get it done. I gotta do I gotta go, I gotta be you gotta go on and on and on. Well, it’s very difficult for us to call on the competencies we need when we’re moving at such a clip and such a frenetic pace, right, that we don’t really well, wait a minute, I could have used that competency of recognizing patterns. Oh, wait, this would have been a time when I did my literacy. Does that make sense?

Jeff East
Yeah, but I just popped in my head is if you’ve ever seen, you know, like, the pictures that they took back during the Civil War, like if somebody was sitting for portrait or whatever it was it Matthew Brady did all those amazing pictures from the battlefield. Right, right. Well, they had those big box he came Was that we’re on a tripod. And they had the black cloth that the guy would stick his head under and they had a big glass plate. You really, really, really needed to pay attention to what you were doing. Because you didn’t have very many of those glass plates. And you didn’t know what it was going to look like until you know, who knows when. Yeah, as an example. You seen the picture of the Wright brothers first flight. Yep. They didn’t know they had that picture. Until they got back to Dayton. Oh, wow. They handed the camera to the people that came to help them on that that day, when people from a postcard rescue station they handed which I think it was their own camera. They made cameras and stuff too, or plates, whatever. But they handed it to this postcard guy and said push this button. They had no clue that they had that picture until they got back to date and however long it was for them, but it was worthwhile. They got The picture they want it.

Eric Pennington
Yeah, boy, Jeff that’s really, really good. And that’s, that’s a great way of summing up what we’re talking about today. We have a special offer for our listeners today as well really excited about this. What you need to do is email us at info at spirit of EQ to receive a free copy of a white paper called Success Factors And Emotional Intelligence.


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